How Much Longer?

Wed 16th 9.00am After a sleepless night I am finally starting to deal with my day you see I have in the last 2 months been through a roller coaster of emotions with highs and lows so extreme it makes me feel bi-polar.By the way thanks carol for your request to connect links with me but this blog is not for commercial gain through adds and articles it is journal my personal struggle to arrive at the place called financial freedom in order to inspire others that are in the same or similar circumstances as I am,I appreciate your contact and hope you will not be offended by my reply.After coming back from England I was able to set up an office for TCG it was tough to negotiate and with no set up money so to speak my partner and I created a think tank /war room my experience of business systems from all the years I spent in retail has paid of we are building a business and soon it will pay us ,everything was good for the first 2 weeks of this month.But last week as I looked at my unemployment award I realized something was wrong there was less money than usual I Called immediately and was able to get through amazingly. The representative informed me that that was indeed my last payment I was at first surprised but then realized it has been 6 months so I asked to be put on the extension benefits... Then It came like a 123 kick in the groin right hook to the jaw followed by a kick in the teeth ........NO MORE MONEY yes that's it finito no more extensions for any one until the Senate decides to vote on this particular bill there is no more money coming .I was devastated ,it was not easy to survive on my unemployment award but I was with careful negotiotion and of course a weekly small amount able to juggle my financial obligations while trying to create a business in Real EstatePanic set in for about I hour WHAT CAN I DO NOW !!! I went into the office that day told my Business partner my situation and immediately got on the phone to see if there were any jobs available ..yes you heard me jobs ,retail jobs any job just something to take away the impending disastrous ultimate panic attack days from now, I face once again an eviction I need $1200 by noon friday and then the lock out begins we will be on the street.Once again I must return to this dark place I had escaped from retail hell now back to the furnace.Actually because of being forced to take this obvious next step I have come to terms with it, why not earn enough to pay my basic bills while seeking financial freedom through the business I have created in fact I embrace the idea entirely it is just what I have to do to survive, it will take away the crippling back injury that always comes back even after knowing I would have a challenging week I have my back pinching and restricting my movement on top of all other things I must face this week ,I already broke down crying on my Knees in the Batcave ( garage)my conversation was with God I asked how much more must I be punished for my mistakes in life so far and so I received the inevitable back pain It comes every time I carry an extreme stress.Today I will pay the electric bill ,Car insurance and do more calls to see who can pay for my life while they pay for theirs what a ridiculous and humiliating life I live. I thought I would just end it all ,it would be so easy to grab an exacto knife and cut my veins and let this pain just slip away, how can I inspire others to become a Millionaire when I cannot keep anything together in all the time I have been writing this blog. I have stayed true to my belief that I will become a Millionaire but it is so hard to keep gong now,each day I fight success with failure and failure with success how much Longer ?must I face this dark days and ride the emotional roller coaster,I am not poor I am worse than poor stuck somewhere in between everything and nothing.There is no more choice left for me I must get a job I have already been to 3 interviews at a new store it looks good but No official word yet and I have dropped of many resumes waiting for interview next week and ready to seek out more, but today must keep calling for help as Friday approaches I become more desperate this may be the last entry for me I do not know any more until next time whenever that may be I will fight on keeping my faith and doing what has to be done.