The Toughest Week Yet!!!

Sunday 12.00pm. The last three days have been dark for me,After the disappointment of not getting hired by a L store I feel into a deep depression a helpless place in my own mind I could not bring myself out into the light I sat and slept and kept myself in doors away from everything and everyone.What a terrible place to be ,no motivation ,no energy, no hope, no positive thoughts, no power to shift my mental state .Who ever says money is not important let me speak to their statement.To have money and no spiritual contact or center is bad because you will not be able to truly enjoy and maintain your inner contentment but in this state of non connection to spiritual priciples and attachment to material things you will be able to live in this world of capitalism we are used to to be spiritually connected and be broke can only work if you are in a place where you do not need money to receive all the naturally provided things needed for survival example a tropical island a mountain top a remote area away from modern society where living of the land organically growing food and planting in a natural environment cultivating all that has been provided by God for the enjoyment of man ,However Money has been set as the other great provider of all things created by mankind for mankind and if you don't have enough you are surely the unlucky one in a million no choice is left just humiliation .I now vow that if I make it trough these toughest of times I will never look at money lightly in the future I will never think that I have enough Money again I cannot and will not be in this position in life again .I must find a Job this week or I will be on the street next month on the 15Th day.I must get hired this week .Of course that means I must find the power and energy to pull my mind together or I am doomed to sit again for days with no motivation full of regrets and bitterness.I even know what to do but cannot pull myself together enough.I will try my best today to relax and be thankful and analytical about this next week I must plot my week get back into my life again, Lisa is more positive in these days than I .I must be strong for all of us or everything will fall apart .Monday must be a turning point for my mind set I have run a Marathon I have achieved awards in my career and touched the very top ,I hate being at the bottom this cruel lesson of circumstance must have a true reward for all this discomfort and bad feeling I will pray for the answer and I will move my mind to the Victor and not the victim as I come to the end of the toughest week yet.

Still Here ( By the skin of my teeth)

Monday June 21st 8.pm I am still here just barely ,saved by my aging Mother who closed an account in trhe eleventh hour before being kicked out of my home,thank God.Just one day to enjoy the fact and then back into terrible worry about everything Today is the first day of Summer and should be a joyous Birthday for my beloved Lisa but alas it is a dark day indeed. I woke up with a troubled mind and two dollars to my name and as I have done before did what was nessasary to fdulfill my obligations of being alive in my world I showered and shaved wentr to the meditation Chapel and asked for guidance and said a prayer for others not as fortunate as me .Then went to the church outreach to pick up some groceries donated by kind people who have charity in their haearts for others less fortunate than them namely me.I brought home the groceries chaged the money at a change machine $ 11.13 was the plentiful amount I went to the dollar store poicked out a pair of pink running shorts $3.00 a pair of flip flops with cute cherries on and a card $5.95 was the toptal a far far cry from D&G ,Prada or Gucci I wrapped gifts went upstaairs with Rudy placing the straps of the bag on his pawss as I held him up.Lisa awoke and was happy to see the gifts we hugged and kissed while rudy licked I had done the best with a little amunt I knew It was not enough I knew It would not last long enough to take away the deep sadness and depresion Lisa was feeling I sent a resume and went into the office>My partner was not feeling to energetic due to his own financial problems in his life .Soon I realised that we had done all we could do for this month .The cash client we had we lost due to some confusion and he will not return phone calls made to him after reviewing and analyzing we think when he discovered we were investors and not agents he decided to not work with us.We once again go back to the drawing board.On arriving home things had taken a bad turn for the worst Lisa was balling her eyes out to her friend about how much of a loser she was and that she needed to end this life she was living I tryed to stay calm and not let it escalate with any comments from Me I know when she gets that way there is nothing I can do till she calms down soon she will act out on what she says and that is my biggest fear and nightmare .Meanwhile I have a gas bill to pay on Wednesday and cell phone on Friday.My back pain has gone from lower back to right lower the stress is moving into a new part of my body.My only hope is to be hired soon and continue to give out my resumes while the senate sits in agonisingly slow debate I suffer terribly along with all other unemployed people in the USA I'm still here by the skin of my teeth.

How Much Longer?

Wed 16th 9.00am After a sleepless night I am finally starting to deal with my day you see I have in the last 2 months been through a roller coaster of emotions with highs and lows so extreme it makes me feel bi-polar.By the way thanks carol for your request to connect links with me but this blog is not for commercial gain through adds and articles it is journal my personal struggle to arrive at the place called financial freedom in order to inspire others that are in the same or similar circumstances as I am,I appreciate your contact and hope you will not be offended by my reply.After coming back from England I was able to set up an office for TCG it was tough to negotiate and with no set up money so to speak my partner and I created a think tank /war room my experience of business systems from all the years I spent in retail has paid of we are building a business and soon it will pay us ,everything was good for the first 2 weeks of this month.But last week as I looked at my unemployment award I realized something was wrong there was less money than usual I Called immediately and was able to get through amazingly. The representative informed me that that was indeed my last payment I was at first surprised but then realized it has been 6 months so I asked to be put on the extension benefits... Then It came like a 123 kick in the groin right hook to the jaw followed by a kick in the teeth ........NO MORE MONEY yes that's it finito no more extensions for any one until the Senate decides to vote on this particular bill there is no more money coming .I was devastated ,it was not easy to survive on my unemployment award but I was with careful negotiotion and of course a weekly small amount able to juggle my financial obligations while trying to create a business in Real EstatePanic set in for about I hour WHAT CAN I DO NOW !!! I went into the office that day told my Business partner my situation and immediately got on the phone to see if there were any jobs available ..yes you heard me jobs ,retail jobs any job just something to take away the impending disastrous ultimate panic attack days from now, I face once again an eviction I need $1200 by noon friday and then the lock out begins we will be on the street.Once again I must return to this dark place I had escaped from retail hell now back to the furnace.Actually because of being forced to take this obvious next step I have come to terms with it, why not earn enough to pay my basic bills while seeking financial freedom through the business I have created in fact I embrace the idea entirely it is just what I have to do to survive, it will take away the crippling back injury that always comes back even after knowing I would have a challenging week I have my back pinching and restricting my movement on top of all other things I must face this week ,I already broke down crying on my Knees in the Batcave ( garage)my conversation was with God I asked how much more must I be punished for my mistakes in life so far and so I received the inevitable back pain It comes every time I carry an extreme stress.Today I will pay the electric bill ,Car insurance and do more calls to see who can pay for my life while they pay for theirs what a ridiculous and humiliating life I live. I thought I would just end it all ,it would be so easy to grab an exacto knife and cut my veins and let this pain just slip away, how can I inspire others to become a Millionaire when I cannot keep anything together in all the time I have been writing this blog. I have stayed true to my belief that I will become a Millionaire but it is so hard to keep gong now,each day I fight success with failure and failure with success how much Longer ?must I face this dark days and ride the emotional roller coaster,I am not poor I am worse than poor stuck somewhere in between everything and nothing.There is no more choice left for me I must get a job I have already been to 3 interviews at a new store it looks good but No official word yet and I have dropped of many resumes waiting for interview next week and ready to seek out more, but today must keep calling for help as Friday approaches I become more desperate this may be the last entry for me I do not know any more until next time whenever that may be I will fight on keeping my faith and doing what has to be done.