12.15am Friday morning day 14, Well I did have reservations about my Internet being disconnected but I did not foresee the frustrating last seven days of computer hell. Some how my computer got infected by a very mean and malicious virus I have not been able to get my Internet explorer to connect ,I have spent countless hours in this past week trying to even get to this point so that I can keep everyone posted about my progress ,needless to say my internal frustration with computer and lack of finances did totally consume all my strength, positivity and forward movement over these past days ,Sunday and Monday got me so frustrated that it brought tears to my eyes as I thought of my circumstances I felt useless, not worthy and worn out, I just simply decided to let it all come out.I cried in desperation over my penniless life ,the electric about to be cut off the next day with still no solution for getting the money I collapsed into a blubbering pitifall shell of a person, spirit drained I tried to sleep it off but Lisa decided that she despite her depressive mood would make a scathing comment that in all other circumstances I would have been easily able to handle but not this day. I screamed at her and isolated myself to the patio I closed the door. It was hot out here I could hear Rudy scratching on the door but I left him inside This was going to be my time now. As I half slept half smoldered the thick heat surrounding my body I began to calm down, I realised the ultimate answer. I am not going to be rescued by any one there is no alcohol or drugs to lean on in my life as I did in the past I realised that I don't even have the luxury to languish in my own self pity for any length of time anymore it was already 5.00pm and with the next day rapidly approaching i needed to make sure that I could pay the electric bill or we would be in serious trouble I was facing the Giant inside me, my realisation was the sling shot that woke up my sleeping Giant I went into the apartment with new energy I made my preworkout drink and did my chest and triceps exercise jumped in the shower grabbed my guitar and headed out to the pawn shop another one hundred dollar loan and putting my guitar in pawn gave me enough to pay the electricity bill and $10.00 left over for gas until today. Tuesday morning I went to work feeling grateful for what I have, as I entered work My Angel associate who had lent me $1000 to pay my rent told me that she did not want the money back, she explained that she was a Christian and when Christians give a loan it is a gift and should not Be expected to be given back Of course I will pay her but she relieved me of the pressure of returning it in very near future what a wonderful start my day being grateful really gives great unexpected rewards, later on she gave me $10.00 voucher that was going to expire that day I played the high limit slot and bet max I won $15.00 and walked away, that day ended with me going home with money for the rest of the week gas and a warm and peaceful heart.
The gentle giant slept with me and carried on into the week with the examples of my friends charitable spirit I am going to make a list of all people who were especially good to me in this time, in this beginning of my financial freedom I will repay each one of them at a time that they do not expect and I will enjoy what it feel s like to see a persons relief from some financial burden.The bottom line is this.It is not only the skill of budgeting ,the art of planning ,the knowledge of how money works, it is finding waking up and slingshotting the giant deep inside our selves that carries us to our destiny so look up and walk tall into our future.
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